Listen to the Butterflies; They know more than you think…
Updated: Aug 10, 2020
As a little girl, I was taught that getting ‘that butterfly feeling’ was a magical and mystical experience. One that I should go in search of, hold on to once found and embrace forevermore because their presence would mean that I was truly happy. That I had found my soul purpose in life and ‘the one’ I had been waiting for. That the person who had gifted me these butterflies would be the one to love and cherish me and give me the fairytale ‘happily ever after’ I had watched with bright, wide eyes in every princess film ever created. Each and every time I could feel their tiny wings flutter deep within me, I knew I couldn’t let go of them or let them fly away. I had to imprison them so they couldn’t escape because if they disappeared, would I ever be lucky enough to find them again?
As I grew into a young woman, I remember the first time feeling their delicate little wings move up and down inside of me and the sheer excitement I felt with every morsel of my body that I had found them. Blissfully ecstatic that someone wanted me! Now I not only knew what it meant to have butterflies but I knew how it felt to be content in the knowledge that another person made me feel whole again. What it was like to experience that strange tingling sensation that radiates from the core of your stomach and steals your hunger and consumes your thoughts making you unable to think about anything else. However, regardless of the butterflies telling me I had met my soulmate, the relationship ended, although sadly not soon enough. Taking with it a fragment of my heart and shattering the rest of me into a million pieces that I never fully managed to re-claim.
Each relationship I committed to became more poisonous and toxic than the last one. The butterflies became more and more intense that they made me question my own sanity. Were there more of them? Had they grown? Or were they frantically flapping so much they were desperate to leave me too? I started to think that I perhaps wasn’t destined to be happy ever after no matter what they had to say. At the end of every breakup, the butterflies remained. Much calmer than in the beginning but they were always there. They were the only ones never to leave me.
I would desperately talk to them when I was alone in the depths of my despair. I would furiously scream at them for lying to me. For making me fall for someone that never sincerely fell for me. For leading me down a path that was never mine to take. I was surrounded by rivers of tears that flooded every part of my soul. Struggling to come to terms with the emotional abuse I had endured at the hands of a person that the butterflies told me was ‘the one’. They wouldn’t let me sleep. They wouldn’t let me eat. I felt more lost than I had ever felt before. How could I ever trust them again?
After another hard fall, I eventually picked myself up. I managed to once again find the light. I found myself a little stronger than the time before with another scar in the form of a lesson that I vowed I wouldn’t ever need to learn again. That was, of course, until the next time…
But this time things were different. I didn’t scream at the butterflies in misery, I listened to
them. I listened with my heart and not my head. I honoured their whispers with dignity and reverence. I wanted to see them for all their splendour and beauty. It was then in that moment I came to realise they were never supposed to leave me. I never had to worry that they would fly away. I really could trust them. They had always been a part of me because they were me. Every time I had felt them move their wings they were guiding me with a message. A message that had been sent from the universe to help me along my way. They were never there to tell me I had met ‘the one’ but warning me of the potential danger that lies ahead if I chose to continue. The butterflies are my intuition. Leading me with a gut feeling so strong it takes a hold of my breath and makes me stop dead in my tracks. To remind me of the previous chapters in my life where I lost myself to someone and how long it took for me to find my way again. They were speaking to me in tongues. They were teaching me to appreciate that my ‘happily ever after’ comes from within and that I am in the driver’s seat of my own destiny. That no other human can make me happy until I master the gift of loving myself first.
The butterflies helped me heal. Heal in a way that I had never healed before. I no longer covered my wounds and pretended they didn’t exist, doing them an injustice for the lessons they taught me in order to grow into the woman I am today. I allowed them to finally breathe. I found a new level of self-respect. One where I no longer needed someone to love me or validate my worth because I was now able to love myself in a way no one else ever had. I grasped the concept that I didn’t attract the same type of relationships but that I was attracted to them. I accepted that I needed to experience this pain and loss to comprehend what it is I want and don’t want. That the path was mine to take because as much as the butterflies were trying to protect me from the hurt I was yet to face, I needed to walk that road to be where I am right this very moment. I needed to speak to my inner child and understand what she was seeking in these unhealthy relationships that she couldn’t let go of. So I could comfort her and give her the attention she had always dreamed of and let her know that everything will be okay.
So next time you feel the butterflies flutter deep inside you, I ask of you this; listen to them. Forget everything you have ever been taught and be at one with them. Acknowledge that feeling and take a moment to consider what they might be trying to tell you. Know that whatever situation you are in, they are with you, they are a part of you and they are guiding you to the destination the universe has planned for you.
Don’t underestimate the butterflies. They really do know more than you think.